Happy boy :)

It is time for a Happy Post. I have held back and struggled with this for a while but, I think I am ready.  We celebrated Beau's Birthday in Michigan it was just what we needed... celebrate LIFE because, we need to and it was a good day:)

We started the day with a wake up call from Mama & Papa wearing silly party hats:) He was very surprised and very much knew it was his Birthday! We had Birthday Pancakes with 2 candles to blow out:) While Beau took his Nap we had a little help decorating Nana & Poppy's for the Big Birthday Dinner PIZZA PARTY! His cousins Maeve & Liam helped us make it perfect:)  We had a fun time decorating and could not wait for him to wake up to see:)

He was so HAPPY :) Mission accomplished and it only got better from there:)

The rest of the day was a play day with his cousins while Papa made the Cake and Mama relaxed with a cold Oberon in hand:) I love my Pastry Chef Husband!

It is almost time to PARTY:) My husband is always without his shirt and especially while on Vacation... but, I am not complaining:)

Because he only turns 2 once:) I decided to go all Happy BIRTHDAY on the Candles!

He loves blowing them out and we have been practicing for a while.

Oh, this little boy makes me so HAPPY everyday:)

He now LOVES cake and knows whenever there is a BIRTHDAY this is what is served! They pick up so quickly on these things:)

We had a real fun Family Celebration on the Lake Papa grew up on:) This made for a very special day and made Our Little Boy very HAPPY!

SO HAPPY:)  



Not Good Grief:(

The thing about grief is... it really does take control over you. Every bit of you, your energy and love for life and things that once made you smile become things that once made you smile.  All of these feelings that I have once felt 13 years ago when I lost my daughter Grace are now coming back with the sudden passing of my brother. It is not new for me. Those feelings were so intense that I didn't know if I would ever be able to laugh or smile ever again. Of course I did, time passed and I grew as a woman, I became who I am today. When I lost my daughter I was 25 and then a week later I turned 26. Not in a good place and really alone.  Grief will sneak up on you when you least expect it. One moment you are cruising through the day with not a thought about it and BAM out of left field here it freaking comes. This is where I am at with losing my only Brother. There are temporary things that you can do to get you through this pain but, nothing will really ever make it go away.

 

 

This is where I am at with it all. I pray everyday for strength to help my family get through this. There are no real words of comfort ever. We lost someone who just brought so much to our lives. He was the best part of our family:) he was the best brother a sister could ever ask for. He was a Man of God and he loved his family. My heart is trying to forgive right now because, like many I can't understand why. With losing Grace I finally did find peace knowing that it was not my time to become a Mother. I prayed to God to bring a Man into my life who would be able to be there for me and give me the Love that I deserved and eventually a baby:) God took his sweet time but, my prayers were answered.  I will continue to pray because we have 3 beautiful girls and one very smart young man to look after along with their Mama:) My brother would be so happy to know that his Love for us and for God is shining through and is all around our Family.

 

 

My Uncle passed just four months prior to Allan and although this was really painful, it was expected and we had time as a family to pray and be around him to tell him anything and everything we wanted to. It was his time and we knew that 6 years of fighting Cancer was long enough. That man fought with his heart and mind... he taught me how to be strong within. Allan was such a tender heart, he brought us all together as a family, when our Uncle was in Hospice...we sat for a week together by my Uncle's bedside telling stories and even laughing. This week keeps playing in my head. This week gave me time with my brother and his family.

 

Grief may take a hold of you in the moments that you never expect it but, the memories you have will shake you back to reality.  My heart will continue to hurt forever without Allan. He is all around my home. I am going to do a Happy post about all of the beautiful things he has made for me over the years. It is going to take me a little bit to get it all together... pics ect.. and freaking grief will undoubtedly creep in so who knows when I will actually post it but, I know I will:)

Beau is Two



 

Two years ago on June 30TH We were blessed with a Beautiful little boy at 1:50am it was was too late to share our news and we were both so tired that we decided to wait till dawn. Scott ran home to check on the furry babies while I decided to make some Happy News Calls:) except that not one person answered the phone! :( We were super excited to share the news so I sent a text announcing our L.b.b. was a little boy along with his name. The first person we did get a hold of was my brother who happened to be with my Uncle Bill on their way out to the farm to help in the Handicap Fishing tournament. I remember everything about that conversation, like how happy my Uncle was that we used his name as Beau's middle and how my brother Allan said how much he liked the name Beau :) I continue to have pain in my heart but, with that comes peace knowing I have many memories of my brother to last me a lifetime.


Happy Two Mr. Beau you have brought so much laughter and Joy to all of Our lives. You have another Beautiful Angel in Heaven watching over you and all of us:) 

Allan

Oh, how I wish this were a Happy post about a cute little boy who just turned Two. I am not even sure where to go what to write or how to even feel. Two. the number of weeks it has been since my world has been shaken up and twisted so much it hurts to breath. My brother was such a huge part of our lives and our family that losing him feels like we lost it all. I am no stranger to grief and this year has proven to be one of the most difficult in all of my years and I have had some pretty rough ones. Praying is hard because, all I want to do is yell at GOD and ask him why? WHY? why would you do this to us? so soon after losing my Uncle? There will never be an answer at least not a clear one.

 

 

Allan was my only brother and he was the best brother not only to me but, to my three sisters. He was an only son but, the best son you could ever ask for. He was my sister in-laws Best friend and the love of her life. He was the Greatest Father to my three nieces and nephew and  an Amazing Uncle the kind you would call your favorite :)These past two weeks I have learned so much more about the man he had become. God has shed some beautiful light on us all by surrounding our family with many people who were touched by my Brothers kindness...this is where I will take comfort, in knowing that he made everyday count and made many people laugh and feel good about themselves. This Son, Brother, Husband, Father, Uncle and Friend to many.

 

 

 

This was from Beau's Birthday last year. I love my brother's smile:) Beau turned two and as far as he knows nothing is different. Trying to be happy and celebrate life when you just lost someone is hard but, the innocence of a child is healing. I know my brother is with us and around us all lifting us up and giving us strength to do good things. Please pray for our family, please hug your loved ones tight and tell them you love them often. I remember everything about the last time I saw my brother. It was so very special... I will feel that hug for the rest of my life.